Heavy heart....

So, I'm a bit delinquent in blogging. Rats. And I won't catch up right now. I just wanted to write something that's really been on my heart.

We found out a while ago that Ruby has Charcot-Marie Tooth disease, which is a neuromuscular disorder that runs in David's family, and which we figured both Ruby and Isaac have, but we had never done the testing. And no doctor's seemed to take us seriously about it, saying she's too young to tell and stuff without really coming out and saying that. She's already showing multiple symptoms, which isn't real normal for being so young. Of course we could be hypersensitive to those symptoms since we've worried she has CMT, but you know. Since we finally got the orthopedic surgeon to take us seriously (I like to think the article from Mayo that I found and forwarded on to her helped in that), and Ruby was blood tested, and has CMT, we found out that Ruby will be having surgery on her hips in April. The dates changed once, but as things now stand, she'll have her first hip operated on April 4th, and the second one on the 16th. I think. Wow. I might be in denial. =P Or just scatterbrained. Either way, I'm scared spitless that something will happen to Ruby. That we will lose her. I just can't shake it. I'm terrified, and feel like we're walking into something really bad. How dark and depressing is THAT?!?!? Anyways, I try to be brave and stuff, but inside, I'm just scared. And I have 3 more months of this.

Last night, while sweeping up the house, I thought about how if things go fine, and I have my Ruby home with me, even if she's in a half body cast and cranky as all get-out, and even if my most independent child is again almost completely dependent, I need to be thankful and not complain. Not even once. Which would be so not like me. I'm a complainer. I've also realized that I need to savor every moment I have with my kids. I need to get rid of distractions and take time to really get down, dirty, and play with them. Somehow over the past two years or so, I've forgotten how to do that. Sad. I miss the joy I had when I began on this parenting journey. And I hope to recapture it.

I'm so very blessed, and I need to remember that.